…Title Pending…

Writing this essay was a bit different for me.  Obviously it was not the typical 5 paragraph essay, so I have no clue on the quality of it.  It sounds weird to me in places, but that is just part of my thought process.

Obviously by the title of this post I would like input on what a good fitting title could be for my paper.  I am usually good at finding creative things to say and choose for a title, but not for this paper at this very moment for some reason.  Also input on other potential sources to incorporate would be appreciated as well.  Thanks!

Moses Paper

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About jtb31

Jordan is a sophomore at the University of Kentucky studying biology with a pre-pharmacy track. He hopes to attend pharmacy school and to eventually become a pharmacist. Outside of school, he spends his time playing or watching sports.
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2 Responses to …Title Pending…

  1. zacharyruffing says:

    This paper is good, and I see a lot of thought in it. I see how you portray Moses as an exemplary leader and you use sources well. However, you use a far too informal writing style in many places. For example, your first sentence in which you charge your audience to think of five important old testasment men in a very informal way. This happens at various other places in your work as well, though you stil use a proper formal style for most of it. Also, I don’t see how your analysis of moses’s birth contributes to your thesis. It’s a good analysis but isn’t necessary here. Mastery is achieved when there is nothing left to take away after all. I think your argument would be stronger without that segment. But your paper seems like it will be very good.

  2. Pam says:

    Wow, you have certainly done a lot of research and thinking about Moses’ life. The narrative of Moses’ life that you have chosen to include in this essay makes me, as the reader, curious as to why you, you the writer, think it’s important. You do ask the question in the end, “where would we be without Moses?” Clearly he was a busy guy, but why do you think he was the chose one and no somebody else. Or, what made him unique or special, can you draw conclusions about him as a result of the things he did. These are just some ideas to try to draw out your opinion about your topic.

    I really liked Freud’s take on him too and how he was just following his birth religion. I’m not saying that I agree or disagree, but it is interesting to consider.

    The mechanics of your writing style were interesting too. It was very casual in the beginning, and like Zachary said, maybe too casual. But once you get rolling and your paper progresses, the tenor changes and becomes more steady. I think if you just review what you have written in the first few pages, you will easily find ways to tighten it up a bit without changing your voice. I like its energy.

    Here’s a title for you: Moses Rocks! 🙂

    Good luck,
    Pam

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